Building a Life of My Own: Grief, Change, and Learning to Stop Surviving
- kitthomasart
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Since the beginning of this year, I have been reading a lot, journaling, and paying closer attention to astrology. Recently, The Lion’s Gate, Sirius, Leo, the solar eclipse, Mars in Cancer and the New Moon in Leo have all given me different ways to think about what I have been experiencing.
But the more I reflect on it, the more I realize that astrology is only one part of a much bigger process.
Kit Thomas, Two-Spirit Indigenous artist, skateboarding while traveling and exploring new places. Kit Thomas, Two-Spirit Indigenous artist, skateboarding while exploring Canada. Kit Thomas, Two-Spirit Indigenous artist, skateboarding while exploring Canada.
This year I have also been reading books that seem to keep meeting me where I am. Old Wolf by Avi, You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero, The Theory of Crows by David A. Robertson, and most recently Gabriel Horn's The Native American Book of Change and The Native American Book of Wisdom have all given me different perspectives on grief, resilience, identity, change and moving forward.
A lot of this has brought me back to something I have known for a long time but haven't always known how to articulate: instability has been a recurring part of my life because of generational trauma. Foundations that should have been there were damaged or destroyed, and I learned very early how to survive without feeling completely safe.
I learned how to be aware of my surroundings. I learned how to read people. I learned how to live with uncertainty, solitude and the feeling that I always needed to be prepared for something to go wrong.
Those skills helped me survive, but I don't want survival to be the only life I know.
After my auntie passed away on August 16, 2025, everything became even more complicated. I had spent much of the previous year caregiving, missing opportunities and putting parts of my own life on hold. After her death came grief, family conflict, harassment and having to leave places where I thought I would finally have some stability.
I built a studio, unpacked, started rebuilding my creative life and then had to leave again.
That cycle has been exhausting.
But something has changed this year. Even while my physical life has been unstable, I have continued building my creative life. I have been learning marketing, SEO, content creation, storytelling and the business side of being an artist. I have been creating wherever I can and finding ways to stay connected to people online when my physical circumstances have sometimes left me feeling very alone.
The astrology has helped me put words around some of this. Lion's Gate and Sirius brought me back to visibility and becoming. Leo brought me back to creativity and being willing to be seen. Mars in Cancer brought up questions about home, protection and emotional survival. The eclipse themes made me think about what I need to release.
And the books have helped me ask different questions.
What does change actually require from me?
What does wisdom look like after everything I've experienced?
How do I stop simply surviving and start building?
I am realizing that I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder, calculating risks and waiting for the next foundation to disappear. I want to know what ordinary life feels like when you aren't constantly living in survival mode.
I want stability. I want security. I want to be proud of the life I build.
And I am ready to do that for myself.
That doesn't mean I have to do everything alone. It means I have to become an active participant in my own rescue instead of waiting for someone else to create the safety I need.
Maybe that is part of what being an artist, storyteller and even an Two-Spirit means to me. I take what I have lived through, what I have learned, what I am still questioning, and I turn it into something that can be seen, shared and carried forward.
I don't know exactly what the next chapter looks like yet.
But I know I don't want to keep rebuilding the same life.
I want to build a different one.
And this time, I want to build it for myself.
Kit Thomas, Two-Spirit Indigenous artist, visiting and exhibiting artwork in their old studio. Kit Thomas leading an art workshop with children and sharing creative skills. Kit Thomas presenting artwork and connecting with visitors at a museum exhibition. Kit Thomas receiving an award recognizing their work as part of Akwesasne's Juried Art Show Kit Thomas standing with their artwork at a The Adirondack Museum on Blue Lake Mountain.
If this resonates with you, follow along and sign up for my newsletter to stay connected to my art, stories and creative journey.
Comments